Event Date: 11/13/2019 (2:00 pm EST - 3:00 pm EST)
Research shows that when people are emotionally intelligent—that is, they are aware of their feelings and are able to manage their emotions—they are better equipped to confront challenging issues and manage change. But did you know emotional intelligence can also lead to greater success in the workplace? The good news is it’s a skill that can be improved with the proper training and practice.
Join us for an hour-long webinar that will show you how to train and develop emotional intelligence in individuals. We’ll explore the four vital components, including intrapersonal skills, interpersonal skills, adaptability, and resilience. We’ll also discuss strategies for continuous improvement.
This webinar is based on Emotional Intelligence: A Scientifically Proven Method for Developing the Skills of Success, a training program that introduces the four essential aspects to honing this soft skill, and strategies for further development, helping you to confront issues, tackle problems and manage change and stress with composure and clarity.
Participants will learn:
- What emotional intelligence is—and why it’s important to today’s organizations.
- The four vital aspects of emotional intelligence.
- How emotional intelligence can improve performance and success in the workplace.
- How to create an emotional intelligence development plan.
You should attend if you are:
- A training or HR professional who delivers training.
- An independent training consultant.
- A manager who delivers or purchases training as part of their role.
Presented by: Alvina Peat
When you say that it is important to be both Transactional and Transformational Leadership, what do you think is the most important parts of Transactional leadership to bring in to compliment Transformational leadership?
An easy way to remember the difference; transactional leadership is “telling” and transformational leadership is “selling”. Many organizations will adopt a blend of leadership style. Transactional leadership can help with short-term critical goals, a crisis or high stress situation, a new employee or team that needs more structure and direction to get started for example. If the leader is aware of the four components of transformational leadership; Calling, Charisma, Challenge, and Caring; as an overall leadership approach, they will be able to shift comfortably.
What are your thoughts on emotional intelligence related pre-employment testing for new hires to understand their degree of emotional intelligence before hiring?
Emotional intelligence is an important element in the hiring process. We want employees that deal with positive and negative emotions well, that manage change well, motivate others, and create a supportive environment. We find EI assessments are very effective at providing awareness and behavioral change, when students are trained thoroughly on their results and the core concepts. Save these assessments for onboarding or leadership training within your organization. For the hiring process, factor in EI as part of a behavioral interview process. Ask for stories about a challenging work situation where they were the protagonist and another story where they were unsuccessful. Ask questions during the story to hear how they handled the stressful situations. It’s not easy but effective. Check out our RTL Behavioral Interviews training for more detail!
Always curious about the relationship between aspects of emotional intelligence. For example, at times it feels that ability to be open-minded (adaptability) gets difficult when it feels as though the other person hasn’t taken the time to get to know the other person (interpersonal). What is your insight?
That feeling is very relatable. This is where our stories come into play. The stories we tell ourselves influence our actions. And if someone isn’t as open to sharing their thoughts or emotions, or if we aren’t feeling our thoughts or emotions are being heard, we create our own stories, don’t we? If we change our story, we can change our emotion, and then change our actions. Not easy.
Is there a particular aspect that is most likely to be the one to look at an examine when a relationship becomes negative? For example if when you look at the past successes if feels more that like there have been past negatives in how the interaction worked out.
Each aspect has an important role in turning a relationship around. Intrapersonal – your own self-awareness of your emotions as they occur is important to look at ways you may have impacted the relationship. As yourself tough reflection questions to hone in on your frame of mind in those situations with that person. Interpersonal – recognizing others’ emotions and showing empathy can help minimize conflict. Put yourself in their shoes. Sometimes it’s not even the relationship that has become negative but the situation in which you see that person – they no longer enjoy an activity you do together for other reasons than your relationship. Using your Adaptability to problem-solve and manage your stress when together can help provide slow positive change. And Resilience – your self-confidence to maintain a positive perspective. Often, communication is the key to addressing a negative relationship. Start an open dialogue, at an appropriate time, and use all of your EI aspects to help navigate an understanding of the relationship – where it is and where both parties would like it to be.
What if you get the feeling people don’t want to share their thoughts/feelings?
You’re using your Emotional Intelligence Interpersonal Skills, well done! Recognizing when someone doesn’t want to share their thoughts and feelings is the first step in helping them open up. Ask yourself some tough reflection questions – is this the right time, am I the right person, is this the right space? Put yourself in their shoes, would you want to share your thoughts/feelings in the same situation? And remember, express your own emotions. People are more likely to let their guard down and share their true emotions if you are willing to disclose your own.
Sara: Hi, everyone, and welcome to today’s webinar, Emotional Intelligence: How to Develop Skills for Success, hosted by HRDQ-U and presented by Alvina Peat. My name is Sara and I will moderate today’s webinar. The webinar will last about an hour. If you have any questions, go ahead and type them into the chat area on your GoToWebinar control panel, and we’ll either answer them as they come in or after the session by email.
Today’s webinar content is from our reproducible training library, the title, Emotional Intelligence. If you are interested in delivering this training within your organization, please contact HRDQ. Today’s presenter is Alvina Peat. Alvina is passionate about interpersonal communication. It is so important to her that when she began Williamspeat Associates in 2002, its primary focus was interpersonal communication in the workplace. Alvina’s workshops, coaching, and consulting are deeply rooted in her belief that communication is the foundation upon which all relationships are built. Through interactive, engaging, and enlightening workshops and lectures, Alvina helps countless individuals and organizations tear down barriers to effective communication.
Welcome, Alvina, and thank you so much for joining us today.
Alvina Peat: Thank you for having me. Hello, everything. I’d like to start by asking you to close your eyes and think about how you’re feeling right now. What’s your mood or emotions like? As you think about that, just somewhere on your handout or on a piece of paper, just write down what you’re feeling or what your emotions are and why you’re feeling them. Okay. Now I’d like for you to open your eyes and I’m going to show you a few slides, and as you look at these slides, I just want you to think about what your emotions are. You don’t have to write anything, but just look at them. How about this one? And this one? We’ll come back to these in a moment.
But clearly, you probably felt different emotions as each of these slides passed through your eyes or passed your eyes. And so today’s focus is going to be on the four aspects of emotional intelligence, and tuning into what you’re feeling and what others are feeling, and so let’s start by defining emotional intelligence. Again, just as you did with what you’re feeling right now, I want you to write down your definition of emotional intelligence. I’ll give you a few minutes to write that. How would you define emotional intelligence?
Okay. Here’s a formal definition, and it is the ability to monitor one’s own and others’ feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them, and to use this information to guide one’s thinking and actions. That’s a formal definition. As we think about the four aspects of emotional intelligence, and as we think about this definition, the ability to monitor your own and the feelings of others, let’s look at the aspects of emotional intelligence. Intrapersonal, interpersonal, resilience, and adaptability. These are the four aspects that we are going to focus on today.
Let’s begin by looking at intrapersonal emotional intelligence. The ability to recognize your own emotions as they occur, and that this skill helps you gain self-control in emotional situations. It’s about self-awareness. As we think about our emotional intelligence, we’re thinking about being aware of self. Emotional intelligence has to start with building an awareness of your own emotions, not only recognizing what you’re feeling, but also why you’re feeling it. It’s not enough to know what you’re feeling, but the emotionally intelligent person becomes very clear on why they’re feeling what they’re feeling.
So think back to those pictures, those slides, those earlier slides. These images conjured up something in us. We had feelings, and those feelings were directly linked to the thoughts we were having when we looked at the image. For some, the puppy might have represented happiness, playfulness. For others, it may have represented something totally different. The sunset in the middle, again, for some, it may have been peace and calm, and for others, something different. The final one, someone may look at that and just get anxious with the clutter, and another may get excited because hey, it’s work, and action, and activity.
The thing about emotional intelligence is that once we recognize that our thoughts and emotions are linked, it really helps us to self-manage, and so if you look at the slide, you’ll see this arrow, and this is often called the path to action, and I call it connecting thoughts and emotions, but we have a thought, and that thought is typically our story. We see something and we create a story about it, and based on that story we have feelings and emotions, and then based upon our emotions and feelings, it causes us to act or react or make a decision, so think about this.
A coworker has accused you of avoiding responsibility for a team project you’re working on together. Now, your first thought might be, “My coworker is trying to make me look bad and make himself look better. How dare he say those things to me.” Well, if you have that thought or you have that story going on in your head, what emotions might you have? What feelings might you have? And then obviously, if you have, say, emotions or feelings of, “Oh my gosh, he’s making me feel bad or trying to make me look bad,” what actions might you take? Well, you might confront him with that information. It might not be a pretty situation.
Let’s take the same scenario. Again, your coworker accuses you of not carrying your week. Instead, this time, your story goes something like this. “My coworker is unaware of the work I’ve done. Now that I think about it, he was out sick the day I gave a verbal update in our regular staff meeting.” Now this time, what emotions might you have? What decisions or actions might you make? Change your story, you change your emotion and you can change your action. Now, this sounds simple, but it’s not easy, but first, let’s just get into the practice of thinking about is it a story that I’m telling about this, or what is the story that I’m telling, what are my emotions and what are my actions, and can I change the story? Get into the habit of identifying your emotions and thoughts behind them.
You need to decide if your thoughts and feelings are reasonable, and sometimes you might need to enlist the help of others. Now, there’s also another way that you can change the story or analyze your thinking, and the first steps as you see on the slide here, consciously stop to evaluate your thinking and ask yourself four questions. Is it true? Can I know that it is absolutely true? How do I react when I believe this thought? Who would I be without this thought? This is called The Work, and it’s adapted from Byron Katie, and it may be familiar to some of you, but these four questions can really help you get in touch with your feelings.
The goal here is to learn how to master your stories so that you can make more effective decisions. Remember this? Thought, emotion, decision. Now, let’s think about this again. I change my story. I change my emotion. I possibly change the action or decisions that I’m going to make. All of this is about self-management. Master my stories, I master my emotions, and I keep reiterating that because it is so important in the aspect of emotional intelligence, self-management, that if we get really good at managing our own thought process, our own emotions, and ultimately our actions, we’re well on our way to functioning as emotionally intelligent people. It all begins and ends with us, and our ability to check in on our emotions. All right.
We looked at the first aspect, intrapersonal. Now let’s look at interpersonal. One of my favorite quotes is, “You never really understand a man until you consider things from his point of view, until you climb inside his skin and walk around in it.” In the intrapersonal, it was about us. Assessing and getting in touch with and in tune with what we were feeling, what our own emotions were. In the second one, the interpersonal aspect of emotional intelligence, it’s about walking around inside a man’s skin and getting his point of view. So aspect number two, interpersonal.
Interpersonal emotional intelligence. Social awareness, the ability to recognize others’ emotions and showing empathy enables you to have more positive relationships and minimize unproductive conflict. What can you do to help recognize the emotions of others? What are some of the things that you do, or what is it that you think you can do to recognize or help you recognize the emotions of others? Take a moment now and write down some techniques maybe that you use or just general thoughts around what you can do to help recognize the emotions of others.
All right. So here’s some tips that we like to share with you when it comes to recognizing emotions in others, and the first one is just spending time getting to know the other person. It would be very hard to be able to really understand a person unless you get to really know that individual, so in the workplace personally professionally, it’s really good to get to know the other person, understand where he or she might be coming from, why they’re having the emotions that they’re having. If you had the back story, if maybe you understand the stress or pressures that they’re under, or just understanding their experiences, it can help you to be more emotionally intelligent, and recognize emotions in others.
Another aspect or another way of recognizing emotions in this aspect is asking for feedback. Finding out whether your perceptions are correct. For instance, using an active listening statement like, “It sounds like you’re worried about the upcoming budget review. Is that how you’re feeling?” And ask the person, “Is this what you’re feeling?” And maybe they’ll be honest with you, maybe they’ll be tentative, but it’s a start in trying to uncover and recognize where their emotions are coming from.
The third one is express yourself. People are more likely to let their guard down and share their emotions if you are willing to disclose your own. Finally, paying attention to that body language, and especially the upper part of the face. Studies show that the upper part of the face typically shows our primary or true emotions, and so if you become really good at reading people’s facial expressions, you may be able to tune into or tap into the emotions. Let’s try this out. Have a little fun with an emotional intelligence quiz. The Greater Good at Berkeley offers this emotionally intelligent quiz, and it’s a really fun thing to do. You may want to try it out with others. You’ll see the website in the upper left corner of the screen, so please take note of that if you’d like.
So we have about 20 facial expressions. We’ll go through them really quickly, so don’t worry about that, and all I want you to do is when you look at a facial expression, you don’t have to write anything, you just make a mental note, what do you think that expression is? All right? Let’s try it. Let’s look at this expression, and what do you think he’s expressing? I’m going to take a stab at it, and I’m going to say politeness. Let’s see if I’m correct. Happiness. Okay. But notice what the screen is showing you, the eyelids, the lips. It’s saying if you look at the upper portion of the face, you can pretty much tell what the expression is, so that was happiness.
Let’s look at the next one. What might we see here? I’m going to say anger. You think about what your answer would be. Again, they show us the facial expression. Let’s look at another. What might this be? I’m going to go with embarrassment. All right. Let’s try it again. Pride. All right. Here’s one for you. Let’s say surprise. If you said surprise, you’re correct. How about this one? I’m going to say contempt. Okay. You might be thinking some are easy, but some are not quite as easy. What about this one? I’m going to say disgust. Yes. Desire, embarrassment, flirtatious, love. How about flirtatious? Mm-hmm (affirmative). Pain. Yes. Compassion, sadness, anger, or interest. This is an interesting one. I’m going to say compassion, but let’s see. I’m willing to be wrong. Okay. Just a few more.
I think we might all agree that this would be amusement. Yes. How about this one? I think I’m going to go with interest, but again, you determine which one you like. Mm-hmm (affirmative). I think sadness. All right. Desire. Mm-hmm (affirmative). This looks like shame to me. Yes. Politeness. Okay. This one is tough. Embarrassment. Pain. Mm-hmm (affirmative). And finally, what might this be? I’m going to say love. Beautiful.
So how well do you read other people? And there’s the score, 18 out of 20, so as you can see, and I do this quiz often, and sometimes I’m still not a perfect score. It’s not always easy to read the emotions of others, and so we learn that we have to really take the time to tap in and understand, which is why, again, it’s important to get that feedback, and just ask. “This is what I think I’m seeing, but what is it that you’re really expressing?” Emotionally intelligent people understand that they may not tap into the correct emotion, so why not ask?
So when, again, as we continue to look at the second aspect, the interpersonal part of emotional intelligence, the things that we want to do when demonstrating empathy is lead with listening. Ask open-ended questions that really allow the other person to speak, and when they’re speaking, respond without judgment. Do your best to validate what they’re expressing their feelings are. Use words and gestures that show that you care. That’s the second aspect.
Now, let’s look at the third. Adaptability. “It may not be my crowing that causes the sun to rise, but I can still awake to celebrate its rising.” So understanding that we could be wrong, we could be misunderstanding what’s happening, what the emotions are, and so we may have to adapt our thinking or even our actions, and adaptability is the skill to adjust to changing conditions. This skill enables one to problem solve more effectively as well as manage stress more productively, and so as we think about emotionally intelligent people, we know that emotional intelligence does not mean that we give up who we are, that we give up our principles or values, but that we are willing to understand where you’re coming from. We’re willing to work with you and try to tap into where the emotions are coming from, what your story might be.
What are some of the characteristics or behaviors of an adaptable person in your mind? Again, take a moment to write down or think through some of your thoughts. When you think of behaviors and characteristics of an adaptable person, what are they usually? Okay. Let’s see. Here are some. The first one, open-minded. When we are adapting or willing to adapt, we typically are open-minded. We’re open to the suggestions and thoughts of others. One of the things that we also think about is we’re listening to people … We’re listening for people’s thinking, and we’re zeroing out our own judgment at that moment. We’re focused on outcomes, not processes. So we don’t want to get so focused on what we’re doing and how we’re doing it, and forget about what’s our ultimate goal here, what’s our outcome? Also, we’re putting aside the need to be right.
When we’re being adaptable, we’re putting aside or we’re willing to put aside our need to be right. We’re standing firm on our principles and our values. We’re also willing to cultivate different perspectives, so we’re listening to people who might disagree with us. We’re eliminating the either/or thinking and looking for the and. We’re willing to question ourselves. We’re willing to play devil’s advocate. We’re looking from a different altitude. Sometimes when you’re looking at sometimes so closely, you can’t necessarily see the whole picture, so we may take a bird’s eye view, a higher perspective view, and finally, we’re using intuition and logic. There’s that and, not either/or.
So if you know that you are one who usually just follows your gut, you may say, “In this situation, let me see what the more logical scenario is.” If you’re a person who strictly focuses on and uses logic, relies on logic to see perspectives of others, then maybe you want to say, “What is my gut telling me?” The bottom line is our goal is to understand where the other person is coming from. Emotionally intelligent people are seeking to understand first. All right.
So far, we’ve looked at intrapersonal aspect of emotional intelligence, the inter aspect of emotional intelligence, and adaptability being a key aspect of emotional intelligence. Now we’re going to talk about resilience, the ability to bounce back. “‘Tis a lesson you should heed. Try, try, try again. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try, try again.” We’ve all heard that in one form or another. Let’s talk a little bit about resilience, the ability to bounce back from setbacks.
Having resilience increases your self-confidence and resilience helps you maintain a positive perspective in the face of negative events or attitudes, and so when we’re talking about emotional intelligence, we may be facing some negative events or attitudes, and we need to really hone in on what’s happening, why is this happening, where are these emotions coming from, and if we think of resiliency as a muscle, we know that we must exercise it to build it, and the only way we can build this muscle is to have opportunities where we have to practice being resilient.
Gaining an accurate perspective. Think about it like this. Things happen, and sometimes they happen a few times over and over again, and so how do we maintain an accurate perspective and bounce back, versus throwing our hands up in the air and saying, “We give up. I can’t get along with this person. We can’t move forward. I don’t understand.” That’s not going to help us. Emotional intelligent people say, “Okay. Let’s give it a try. Let’s see, what have we not thought about?” In the earlier section when we talked about self-awareness, we discussed managing our stories, and we said we manage our stories by analyzing our thinking. This is also the key to resiliency, managing our thinking, gaining an accurate perspective.
And so if you remember, the four questions were, is it true? Can I know that it is absolutely true? How do I react when I believe this thought? Who would I be without this thought? The Work by Byron Katie, those are the questions that I suggested. So here’s a situation. Jay feels overwhelmed by so many deadlines he’s facing. He’s frightened that he will drop the ball on something. When he analyzes his thinking, it will go like this, “I’m feeling overwhelmed because I’m afraid I won’t be able to accomplish all that is on my plate,” but emotional intelligence has to start, remember, with building an awareness of your own emotions, not only recognizing what you are feeling, but why you’re feeling it.
And so when Jay feels overwhelmed, he’s facing deadlines, he’s frightened he’ll drop the ball, we ask him, “Why are you feeling this way?” So it may go something like this. “I’m feeling overwhelmed because I’m afraid I won’t be able to accomplish all that’s on my plate.” So the first question he can ask himself is, “Is this true that you are not going to accomplish everything?” And more than likely, Jay is going to say, “It certainly feels like it.” And then the second question is, can you know for sure that this is absolutely true? Jay’s response is typically going to be, “No, I can’t be absolutely true.” So then the next question is, how do you react when you believe the thought, “I won’t be able to accomplish it all”? “I’m frightened. I’m lacking focus. I’m fatigued.” These are all fair emotions and feelings because when I say I’m feeling overwhelmed, I’m afraid I won’t accomplish it all, this is what it conjures up for me.
So then the question, the final question is, who would I be without this thought, that I’m overwhelmed and afraid? Well, without that thought, I could be more confident. I could be focused and more energized to get the work done. So I want you to think about a situation that you’ve had or even you may be going through it right now, but you have negative thoughts about it, so it could be personally or professionally, but you’re having negative thoughts about it. You’re maybe feeling overwhelmed, sad, feeling like you won’t meet your deadlines, whatever it is, whatever the situation is, I want you to think about it, but then I also want you to ask your the four questions. Is what I’m thinking about this situation really true? Can I know that it is absolutely true? How do I react when I believe this thought? Who would I be without this thought? I’ll give you a minute to think it through, maybe even two minutes. Take another minute.
All right. This takes practice. It can feel awkward at first, asking and answering these questions, but over time, practiced often, it will become natural. Think of it as a tool to help you analyze your thinking, and you can find tons of information about these four questions, or The Work as it’s called. As I said a few moments ago, we all are going to experience some setbacks and failures from time to time.
An important aspect of resilience is the ability to bounce back and regain your footing, and sometimes it takes things like reminding yourself of your previous successes, so in the case of acting emotionally intelligent in the space of, say, conflict with another individual, you may remind yourself of when you all worked well together, when you had previous successful outcomes in the past. It may require that you draw from that and remind yourself, “Okay. This is really worth going forward with, because I’ve had so many good experiences with this individual in this situation before, that I know I can bounce back from this.” Accomplishments come in many shapes and sizes.
Another one is draw on your strengths. What are my strengths in this situation? What do I know that I do well? If you’re having difficulty identifying your strengths, think about how a friend or colleague would describe you. What have you heard about your strengths in the past, and how can you draw on those strengths to help you in this situation? And sometimes it just requires taking a risk. We like for everything, to know the answer to everything and be sure of the outcome, but sometimes we just won’t, and so starting with small goals and set those goals that you’re fairly certain you can achieve will help you build your resilience. I’ve heard this quote used by a few people and I like it. “Inch by inch, anything is a cinch.” And so when we’re talking about being resilient, maybe we don’t want to swallow the ocean, but maybe we just take one sip of water at a time.
So emotionally intelligent people are also resilient people. We bounce back, and we know that that increases our self-confidence and allows us to maintain a positive perspective in the face of negative situations, events, or attitudes.
So let’s recap. In closing, when we began today, I told you that our goal for the webinar was to share with you the four aspects of emotionally intelligent people, or four aspects of emotional intelligence. The intrapersonal, which was all about self-awareness and understanding your own emotions and the stories behind those emotions, which were influencing the story, influencing the emotion, which would influence the action, so that was your intrapersonal. The interpersonal was the ability to identify and be aware of, excuse me, aware of the emotions in others. So it’s not enough just to know your own emotions, but also understanding where the other person was coming from, walking around inside the person’s skin. The third one, the third aspect, the adaptability aspect. Developing the skill to adjust to changing conditions. And then finally, resilience, our ability to bounce back.
So my goal was to give you tips, techniques, and food for thought in all four areas. I hope that you feel that this has been accomplished, and I hope that you’re ending this session feeling a little more enlightened about emotional intelligence. Thank you.
Sara: Thank you so much, Alvina. That was great. If you do have any questions for Alvina, please use your chat window to send those in now, and then we’ll share responses with the audience by email, as we’re a little short on time today.
We hope you consider looking to HRDQ for your training needs. We publish research-based experiential learning products that you can deliver in your organization. Check out our online or print self-assessments, our up out of your seat games, our reproducible workshops you can customize, like Emotional Intelligence, the foundation of today’s webinar, and more, either at our website, or call our customer service team, and if you need help learning a training program or want one of our expert trainers like Alvina to deliver it for you, we also provide those services. We look forward to being your soft skills training resource.
Well, that’s all the time we have. Thank you so much, Alvina, for your wonderful presentation, and-
Alvina Peat: You’re welcome.
Sara: … thank you, everyone, for participating in today’s webinar. Happy training.