What Artificial Intelligence Can’t Do, Human Intelligence Can

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Do what Artificial Intelligence can’t do and master your ability to adapt and pivot. Use your Human Intelligence to build your emotional awareness, deepen your ability to listen for clues and cues, explore cognitive empathy, and ask the questions that Google can’t answer. This creates meaningful collaboration and genuine connection.

Artificial Intelligence can’t deepen the relationship, understand the nuances of a question or a statement. Humans can and we can be better. If you want to influence change and shift behaviors, this starts with your Human Intelligence.

Participants Will Learn:

  • Human Intelligence strategies to collaborate and maintain mutual respect.
  • 4 steps to effective communication skills to connect and engage.
  • “Hollywood Tips” to have those courageous conversations.

Who Should Attend:

  • Training and HR professionals
  • Managers and supervisors
  • Anyone interested in human emotional intelligence and accountability

Additional Resources:

Presenter:

Joel Silverstone - Human Intelligence | HRDQ-U Presenter

Joel Silverstone is the Senior Professional Skills Facilitator & Coach at The Great Canadian Training & Consulting company. He brings 20 years of expertise helping participants build their interpersonal skills and communicate effectively. Presenting to Fortune 500 companies and thousands globally, Joel tries to bring his “HI” to those sessions focusing on influencing skills, techniques used by actors, and the use of emotional intelligence awareness and strategies. You can listen or watch Joel as the host of “The Great Canadian Leadership Podcast” also on YouTube – interviewing leaders and experts on influencing and communications skills. Connect with Joel on LinkedIn, Twitter, and at www.greatcanadiantraining.ca/.

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What Artificial Intelligence Can’t Do, Human Intelligence Can

0:03

Hi, everyone, and welcome to today’s webinar, What Artificial Intelligence Can’t Do: Human Intelligence Can, hosted by HRDQ-U, and presented by Joel Silverstone.

0:14

My name is Sarah, and I will moderate today’s webinar. The webinar will last around one hour. If you have any questions, please type them into the question area on your GoToWebinar Control Panel, and we’ll answer as many as we can during today’s session.

0:28

Today’s Webinar is sponsored by HRDQ-U Virtual Seminars, HRDQ-U Virtual Seminars, are engaging, soft skills training classes, with real-time interaction and expert trainers, enroll your organization’s learners and HRDQ-U virtual seminars, and let them develop the performance skills that they need from their office, and on any device from desktop to mobile.

0:49

Learn more at www.hrdqu.com/virtualseminars.

0:56

Today’s presenter is Joel Silverstone, is the Senior Professional Skills Facilitator and Coach at the Great Canadian Training and Consulting Company.

1:05

He brings 20 years of expertise, helping participants build their interpersonal skills and communicate effectively.

1:11

Presenting to Fortune 500 companies and thousands globally, Joel tries to bring his human intelligence to those sessions, focusing on influencing skills, techniques used by actors, and the use of emotional intelligence awareness and strategies. You can listen or watch Joel as the host of the Great Canadian Leadership Podcast, which you can also find on YouTube, where he interviews, leaders and experts on influencing and communication skills. Thank you for joining us today, Joel.

1:40

Thank you so much, Sarah, for that warm introduction, and thank you all for joining us today on this webinar of what artificial intelligence can do: human intelligence can, or what AI can’t do?

1:54

High can, so, as you can see, where we’re looking, we’re loading up our soft skills, or I think we can all agree, in this HR audience, that soft skills really need to be called essential skills. And what will, what will hopefully, you’ll be getting out of this, not only your own human intelligence abilities and skills? You’ll be able to up that. But also, what you’re going to be able to bring back to your teams, and to your organization to really be able to load up, their soft skills and their essential skills.

2:27

Because, Human Intelligence, that’s a part of it, the, the soft skills and essential skills, but at the heart of it, human intelligence, is our ability to, and it starts with ourselves, our ability to be resilient, our ability to collaborate, our ability to shift, adapt, and pivot.

2:48

This is what we’re going to be exploring today. We’re going to be talking about our human intelligence, so I’m gonna unpack that a little bit more. When I look at some different examples.

2:57

And one of the things I’m gonna ask you right now is, if you could grab a pen and a piece of paper and he’s ISP’s paper and it could be a pen, crayons, marker, a pencil, or whatever you got that can actually draw or design or write something. I want you to have that ready to go. So you’re all set. So we’re gonna unpack our human intelligence. What does that mean?

3:23

We’re also going to look at what I like to call Hollywood tips, what Hollywood knows, as our read in my bio, or can I talk. I do a lot of acting tips. That’s because, in my former life, I was a professional actor. Maybe I look familiar from 19 3.65 years ago with my 6.5-minute claim to fame on the X files. And so, we’re going to talk also about your ability to influence. So what does that mean to be able to influence? And when we’re an HR, sometimes we don’t always have that authority. So, how can we influence others without using authority? and the same thing, how you are able to help your teams and your leaders be able to influence and not manipulate or manage their teams.

4:11

So, that’s part of our human intelligence, then we have our four steps that puts it all together, and I will show you that.

4:20

So, let’s jump in.

4:23

So, as we can see here, I’ll play the little video.

4:29

Artificial intelligence, they dance better than us.

4:34

You know, we think about the robots coming while the robots are here, in fact this this little presentation here had, oops, sorry!

4:43

This presentation here had something like 32 million views.

4:51

And then we look at how what’s happening with artificial intelligence also, maybe you’ve seen Sophia, the human humanoid robot doing many interviews. She’s been around for a couple of years, in fact, she’s going to be a keynote speaker at a learning conference coming in the fall. A huge learning conference coming in the fall. And this is what Artificial Intelligence is doing, is it’s catching up way faster than we ever thought in its ability to incorporate cells into our lives, and you think about how often we unconsciously use artificial intelligence with our all of our devices. But artificial intelligence is helping our Olympians artificial intelligence is, is going to, is actually going to be start doing therapy soon.

5:34

There are so many ways that artificial intelligence is working its way into our world, that are human intelligence. Those capabilities are starting to fade as we’ve become more and more reliant on the Artificial Intelligence.

5:50

So, my first question to you, I want to check in here that everybody is human. So if you could put into the question box, what would be your, if you were to be a robot name, and this will be the test that you are human, what would be your robot name? So my robot name would be, because of covert. My robot would be butter, bought 3000, I have been eating a lot of butter for some strange reason. So, my robot’s name is Butterball, 3000. Go ahead and put into the question box, your robot names, to make sure that you are human.

6:28

See 900, Thank you.

6:36

We’ll just get a couple more robot names, I want to make sure that everybody here is human, and we don’t have those, those bots coming to the webinar.

6:49

In it in it, know to fit I D 10 D O these are very so these are very good knaves BJ bought great.

7:06

So, what is human intelligence? As I said, you know, our soft skills are essential skills, is a big part of that.

7:14

But number one, obviously our human intelligence starts with our emotions, because a neuroscience says this, we’re going to use signs here to say this, that we react first. We make decisions based on our emotions first, and then we use logic to substantiate it. So you think about, so many decisions that you’ve made, The first instinct to that you do is it’s an instinct. He says, does this feel, right? It doesn’t feel right. And these are using the logic to substantiate it. I think about a few years ago, my wife and I, when we moved from our condo with our two kids to, we wanted to find a house big house with the yard, not on the Main Street, maybe in a cul-de-sac good school. All that you know, all those sort of checkout.

7:58

And, of course, a renovated turnkey, all those things to check the boxes. And then where do we end up living? We ended up living out of a house on a Main Street. In fact is I’m in Toronto, and we got the streetcars that go right by our house is a very busy main street, but it just felt, right, it didn’t check off all the boxes. So, it just goes, again to prove even a major decision, like buying a home, we use our emotions first. And as much as we want to believe that we use logic first, it is our emotions first, and then logic to substantiate it. Now, of course, with artificial intelligence, it’s purely logic and it doesn’t have that capability to react emotionally.

8:36

Now, of course, that is changing so fast as we are speaking, the, you know, and depends on who’s programming at a course, but the goal for these robots’ artificial intelligence, is one, at one point, they will be working side-by-side with us, and probably taking over our jobs. So, their ability to have emotions will obviously continue to rise. So it’s our EQ, or emotional intelligence, are self-awareness that also separates us from the artificial intelligence, from the robot, so to speak, is our ability that we are triggered by certain things. And we have that self-awareness to go, you know, why is this bothering me? What’s the, what’s the history behind that?

9:19

And what artificial intelligence doesn’t have, is the social awareness part of emotional intelligence. What did they see? What did they hear? What’s important to the other person? What are the subtle clues and cues that are coming from another person because artificial intelligence still has that narrow path?

9:35

We still have this ability to be able to adapt and be able to pivot when someone is giving us those subtle clues and cues. And that leads us to empathy.

9:44

Which, Artificial intelligence has a standard set of empathetic statements, and let’s face it! a lot of people like to deal with a chatbot because a chatbot won’t judge you, as opposed to, a human who might judge you.

9:59

And, so, we can ask those stupid questions to a chatbot, but it’s, it’s standard lines of empathy that comes from artificial intelligence. But not really Being able to genuinely listen. And so in the webinar, we’re gonna look at three different ways that we can use empathy, that you can take back to your teams and say, you know, here’s a way that you can use empathy. That doesn’t feel touchy feely That feels that you could do this in business.

10:23

But it’s so important to create collaboration and to make the other person feel heard and understood and create mutual respect.

10:32

And then our purpose, our imagination, if we think about what’s going on right now in the Olympics, talk about sense of purpose, because these people are driven by the sense of purpose. And that was, is what drives us. We need a sense of purpose, and that’s, again, what separates us from the artificial intelligence is, what drives us, what motivates us, why do we get up in the morning? Or why are we searching for that sense of purpose and that imagination. The ability to dream, to think, to, to sometimes to believe, that there are other possibilities that are out there and it’s not a code or an algo rhythm.

11:08

And that’s our growth mindset, our ability to be curious.

11:17

Now, in the, in the world of all of this artificial intelligence, we’re losing sight of our human touch or losing sight of our human capability. So, these are some of the headlines of the trends that are happening, which is the soft skills essential skills that are lacking the humanity that is lacking in the workforce today. And so, you know, these are some of the headlines, that, as more and more we go towards computerize, to easy, process oriented, task oriented.

11:48

We’re losing sight of our ability to communicate, collaborate, and work collectively.

11:55

In fact, the LinkedIn Workplace Learning Report says the largest gap is soft skills, that the number one priority for talent development is going to be soft skills. And, in fact, 89% of surveyed executives said that it is difficult to find people with soft skills, 64% cited communication as the most desired skill. That was something we take for granted. And more and more and more, we are taking communication for granted. And so, this is why we’re having this webinar. It’s so important to remind ourselves and our teams and our organization, the importance of those small things and communication that makes it a human experience and makes the other person feel valued and validated That artificially tells it cannot do at a surface level.

12:46

So I asked you to grab pen and paper, so if you can grab a pen and paper, and I’m going to tell you what we’re going to do.

12:53

So grab yourself paper.

12:56

Grab yourself a pen or marker, whatever you have, and I’m gonna give you a minute or so to do this exercise.

13:05

And if you’re ready, here we go, and I’m going to ask your question. So in a minute, I want you to draw a house.

13:15

And here I go, I’m gonna count down 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. All right, hands down.

13:27

I already drew my house before.

13:29

Normally, I would put a slide up here, so I’m going to show my house.

13:33

Hopefully, you can see this, and I’m wondering if most of you drew this type of house, which is theirs is a triangle roof, with a square underneath it, two square windows, and a door, and maybe those square windows, as I did, has the little lines going through it.

13:53

So, if you did draw something similar to that, give me a yes. in those questions, please. I would love to know that.

14:04

Thank you, Joe. You did the same Sherry, you only got one window, Len. John, yes, yes, Thank you.

14:12

Pretty darn close.

14:14

Yes, Chad, BJ Wanda for Windows, Wanda Well done OK, very good. Oh, you added a Chimney, Ronda, very nice.

14:22

Indeed, no roof, no wind, OK. Thank you, Diane.

14:27

So, some great answers there and the reason we do this is, is that this is actually a creativity exercise. So this is something you can easily do with your teams and a creativity excise to get the discussion going on creativity, which is, I don’t know if you’re seeing this.

14:43

But obviously, all the time that we’re spending in front of these screens is affecting our creativity is affecting our ability to think, as they say, outside of the box. And so this exercise actually comes from the, from Disney, from the, the, the person who was in charge of creativity at Disney, and they do this as an exercise as an example to get people to start thinking, well, why does it have? Why does a house have to look like that?

15:09

But our natural instinct, when we say draw a house, we go to our natural …

15:12

is we draw what we know we go to. We’re not challenging ourselves. And so part of what I would like to talk today about in this webinar is this ability to shake ourselves out of a rut and to be able to challenge ourselves and go, is this an opportunity? Is this a moment to make that house underwater? Is this as an opportunity to make that house a circle, a blob in the clouds? Is there an opportunity here to do something different in the conversation I’m having with this person, and not have the same conversation? It’s every opportunity that you have with a conversation with someone, is your opportunity to have it. Make it a brand-new conversation that it can be a blank canvas.

15:54

So, thinking a difficult conversation with someone, think of it going towards the future, and it’s an opportune to have a blank canvas that … you, to be creative here as you go with that.

16:06

And so let me show you, I’m going to share now my human intelligence failure and maybe this will ring true for many of you where we’ve all been there, and all had that same situation. As you can see here, we’ve got five people and believe it or not, they are in the middle of doing a improv scene at one o’clock in the afternoon. This is a course that started at seven in the morning. These people, you would never guess if you met them as having the morning, would be the same view. There’ll be up and Adam doing an improv seen in the afternoon, because if you met them in the morning, these, there was about 50 of them. They were very upset. They were very disgruntled. They were here for a four-day customer service training.

16:51

So you can just imagine, as you hear the words, Customer service training for days, your eyes start to roll and go, Are you kidding? Not only that, these people had 20 years of experience in customer service, so they felt that they had a pretty good handle on it.

17:04

And in their current role they are here because they’ve all been demoted.

17:10

So their role is changing, and they were getting a refresher and customer service, because their job was going to be more focused on that, is a unionized environment, and, and like I said, it’s four days, and they are disgruntled Now you see on the behind there, behind them is my 12 step process, a customer service, show you care.

17:33

So before I go any further, if you could write in the question box. What do you think were some of the mistakes that I made at the beginning, obviously we got them to where they need to get to in the afternoon, there, their lives? They’re doing an improv scene, but what were some of the mistakes that I made at the beginning of a session of people who are, do not want to be here. They feel that the organization has let them down. They’d been demoted, they’re getting a four-day refresher in customer service, which obviously feels like they’re being reprimanded. So, type in what you think were some of the mistakes that I made.

18:07

No coffee. There is true. There was no coffee, started to early. Well, that was there. That was their schedule. They started at seven in the morning.

18:15

I should also add their job, means that they are often verbally abused, very often and occasionally physically threatened as well on top of that. So high stress level.

18:27

I talked instead of listening. Yeah, absolutely.

18:30

I need to get them engaged. I maybe didn’t address the elephant in the room or didn’t address really what their concerns were.

18:38

Absolutely, great answer Sherry and Shawn.

18:41

Expectation is not clear.

18:43

Rhonda yeah, that’s Well, I mean that they their organization gave them the expectations, but it was not clear enough. So, good answer, Rhonda. Thank you.

18:54

And, and Anna Wise, I was talking instead of listening, absolutely made assumptions, chad really good answer.

19:03

Because making assumptions is our biggest gap and communication skills, is we assume that the expectations are clear. We assume that they understand what is going on. We assume that they can read my mind, or they can read the mind of the organization. Assumptions is the biggest trap in communication skills. Absolutely.

19:27

And one possibility did not get the I can’t quite read the rest of that.

19:32

But what I’ll say, is, you’re all those are all really good answers because they’re all absolutely accurate I came in more self-focused on myself and my task, the self-talk that I had going on and right away brought out the 12-step process and did not create that, that safety did not listen to them. Did not, really, again, make them feel heard, and understood, and validated, and valued. Luckily, luckily, I got an opportunity to do this a few times, this is a big project.

20:05

And so, I started to figure it out, that that first hour of every single morning, as we started with a new group, was the most important thing was that first hour was purely event session and had nothing to do with me. And not to. And what I call q-tip quit taking it personally. They were not upset at me. They were upset at so many things. But it had nothing to do with me, even though I’m, I’m standing there. And they’re pointing the finger at me. It wasn’t, they were not upset at me, so not taking it personally, and really showing my human intelligence, which is to be empathetic, to listen to what’s important to them, to make them feel heard, to make them feel safe. And this is so important for anyone, whether we’re working with a colleague, whether working within an organization, whether leaders working with a team, is to make that person feel bigger, not smaller.

21:00

We’ve got four movies here. We talked about my acting experience here. So if you can, tell me what you think these movies are, and I’ll explain why we’re showing these four scenes of these movies.

21:13

So what are these four scenes here, or movies?

21:18

First one is obviously titanic.

21:25

We’ve got titanic Shashank yeah, that’s right, Joe, thank you.

21:30

Happiness Joh, that’s right, thank you.

21:37

Chacha, Titanic, £10, I don’t know what movie that is, £10 Shashank.

21:43

It’s the other, the second box is hidden figures. So we’ve got titanic hidden figures, pursuit of happiness, and Shawshank Redemption.

21:52

And the reason I have, I chose these four scenes are these clips, if you want to these pictures of these movies is here’s what? Here’s the Hollywood tip.

22:03

People always say, well, as an actor, how do you remember so many lines? How do you remember, you know, if you’re doing Shakespeare, heading member, 15th Century English, we don’t speak like that?

22:14

Well, it’s not about remembering the Lines.

22:17

You have one job as an actor, and it’s really, it’s about your intention, and your intention is about moving that other actor in that scene.

22:27

So it needs to be so fully present that you have an effect on that other actor so that you’re not actually acting that you’re genuinely listening.

22:37

And, you know, as we know, in our world, we have the same, know, especially in the HR world, you might hear the same issues over and over and over and over and over again, but it’s the first time that that person is saying it.

22:48

Even if they have repeated at numerous times to them, it’s important.

22:52

And it’s the same thing with an at with doing enacting scene, is you’re gonna be doing the same scene, hearing the same lines over and over and over again. And it’s about each time is that blank canvas. Each time is that it’s a new time that you’re hearing it, and you’re allowing yourself to be present, and to genuinely react to it. And if you’re being present and January, and you’re not thinking ahead, you’re not thinking of the words, you’re gonna say, you’re not thinking of the script, you’re just being present for that person. You’re making eye contact with them.

23:20

Or even just listening, if you can’t make eye contact, well, then you are starting to move that other person.

23:26

And if they are moved, then it becomes reciprocal.

23:29

So that’s what an actor’s job is, is what is my intention in that moment, so that I can move that person, whether it be to be listened, to, to be curious, to be, attentive, whatever that might be, and we’ll talk about intentions in a second. And we’ll go a little deeper with that, but it’s about moving the other person.

23:50

So if we look at Toy Story, I think everyone remembers Toy Story. Maybe you have kids, and you should you you’re showing Toy Story again. You’re seeing it for the 20th time. Maybe you remember as it as you were, you were a kid. Maybe a when you went to see it.

24:05

But the interesting thing about the First Toy Story movie was, you know, it’s not a widget, was that, that first movie was so focused on the technology, right. And this is where we get into the trap of artificial intelligence.

24:17

We’re so focused on the task, we’re so focused on the technology that what they realized was, it was not a good movie, because they were so focused on technology, and they said no.

24:29

What we’ve done always well at Disney as an example, whether it be, you know, or Wizard of Oz, or even Star Wars, we’ve always done well with a movie, has always been the story, because the story will stand the test of time, again, going back to neuroscience. It’s those emotions that we speak to first, and then we use logic to substantiate it. So, if you look back at that First Toy Story movie, the technology is nowhere near as good as it was, and I think we’re up to Toy Story for Toy Story five. The technology is nowhere near as good as the movies that we see now.

25:02

But it’s that, that story that has stood the test of time, that we’re willing to let go of that technology.

25:08

So, again, speaking to emotions, again, what are human intelligence can do is sometimes more important than what technology can do.

25:21

So, let’s talk about influencing now to pull all these things together. I’m going to focus really here on the pull part. So, if you see on the pull, we’ve got connecting and we’ve got visioning.

25:35

And so, if you think about it, these are the emotional parts. The push part is the data, the persuading, the directing. So, persuading is that proposing that reasoning I’m gonna give you the data to support that. I’m gonna give you the facts to support that.

25:52

But the pull is the human intelligence part.

25:54

It’s our ability to involve the other person, to listen to. The other person to disclose, and disclose, is, you might want to call it vulnerability, is to admit, I don’t know. It’s to say, oh, this is, that’s actually news to me, or, to self-disclose. I did make a mistake again, but artificial intelligence, you know, can struggle with, but that’s what separates us, is our human intelligence to be able to self-disclose that vulnerability. And we spoke earlier about purpose and imagination listed.

26:21

Visioning is that finding that common ground, that that’s sharing a vision when a study was done of patients who were in the United States, and there was a hospital, they had a heart bypass operation. And there was a study done on, because those patients who have a heart bypass operation in a hospital in Florida.

26:41

Not that hospital a particular, but that was where the study was done: They might have five good years of quality of life after a heart bypass operation.

26:50

As you can well imagine what a doctor would say to those patients to, to try to extend those five years that quality of life. So can you imagine what would the doctor say to someone who just had a heart bypass operation? If you could put that in the question box.

27:06

What are some of the things that a doctor would say to someone who’s just had a heart bypass operation to extend their life, or extend their, their sort of quality of life for those five years?

27:24

Take it easy. Exercise Diet. That’s right, Joe and Jill. Yeah.

27:29

Jo Ann Gill. Sorry. Yeah.

27:31

Meditate. Yeah, that’s a good one, Joe.

27:33

Yeah, Follow my instructions. Yeah, lead, absolutely.

27:40

Yeah. At the end, these are all the answers that came after afterwards.

27:45

So, 85% of the patients got those advice and did not, the quality of life did not do better after those five years. They did not need, not farewell. But 15% seasons seem to thrive. And most of that was directed actually to one doctor who changed the language. And instead of coming in with being persuasive and directive, came in more with the pull par with the connecting into visioning and would find a personal reason with each patient on how to connect with them.

28:16

You know, and they might say, Lynn, you just had this heart bypass operation, and I know that you want to be there at your son’s wedding.

28:29

Joe just had this heart bypass operation. And I know that there is still a lot of traveling that you want to do for the next 10 to 20 years. And if people didn’t have any, maybe they were alone and maybe they didn’t have family or friends, then it would be about, you know, Gayle? I know that tomorrow morning and every morning after that, you want to wake up without any pain and what that would feel like.

28:54

So he the doctor spoke to that visioning to finding a way to speak to that imagination and then they were able to be more prescriptive to push to give that you need to exercise. You need to die. You need to meditate.

29:05

So it started by that to get that person engaged, so that’s what that’s the beginning of being able to influence to shift behaviors, is, we want to go to logic, but that’s actually counter-intuitive because we need to be able to speak to the emotions, And that’s one of the keys to our human intelligence, is speak to the emotions first.

29:24

Logic comes afterwards.

29:28

And so, if we start with one of the parts about the pulling is listening, And I’m sure you have been, you know, you’ve delivered the training, or you’ve been part of training sessions, or you’ve worked with leaders, and, you know, you’ll say you need to listen more. Listening is a huge part of it.

29:45

I know in my 20 years of delivering training, whether it be, no, not even communication skills, but even if it was like, sales, training, or leadership training, at the end of the day, whenever you ask everybody, all right. What’s your big takeaway for today?

30:01

Most people are gonna say, I need to listen more. So listening is one of those funny things that we know how to do it. But we’re not very good at listening intently.

30:10

In fact, when we do listen, 75% of the time we are distracted, we are preoccupied. And what are we distracting? It’s not just the technology. We’re also distracted were preoccupied. We’re busy thinking ahead of that great question. We’re going to ask our, we’re thinking of you know what, what, how this affects me, or we got stuck on a word, so we’re distracted would be occupied, were not being present. Thinking back to those actors who have to be fully present so that they’re able to move that other person. So, certainly represent 75% of the time we are distracted preoccupied because we’re in our own head as well as technology on top of that.

30:49

Now, 50% of the time, we, we will immediately recall what was said.

30:54

Now, an hour later, Twining will remember about 20% of what was said.

31:00

Now, even worse, this is my, this is my favorite part here is even less if we didn’t like the subject or the person.

31:07

So if we read this, if, you know, this didn’t speak to you, you have completely tuned out, and you are you are probably in that 99% distracted preoccupied.

31:19

So, one of the exercises that I like to do in groups is, is, oops, sorry, is what I call is, listen without solving.

31:30

So, listen, without solving is, and I’m going to ask you to put this in the box in a second, is: I’m going to share a personal challenge, a personal problem. And it’s not going to be so personal that it’s going to be awkward.

31:41

And I’m going to speak for about a minute, and this is what I’d like you to do in this exercise.

31:49

I would like you to not try to solve it.

31:54

So, don’t solve it because that’s why we get preoccupied, is that as, as I’m speaking, you’re thinking of ways to solve it and you might be missing the subtle clues and cues that are going on.

32:03

All I want you to do is to listen for, what do you see?

32:05

Because you could see me, and what do you hear, and what are you listening for? Your listening for? What seems to be important to me?

32:11

What do I seem to care about?

32:14

So, what, what is important to me?

32:18

What do you see?

32:20

Do you see any emotion? What do you hear to hear any motion? What seems to be my care about, here we go, share my personal problem.

32:27

Well, here we go.

32:28

I’ve got two kids, two boys, 14 and 17, and we’re in summer vacation and I am disappointed.

32:39

I’m, I’m just, we’ve, we spent, you know, they were in Toronto, Canada, so they hardly had any school. They’ve been home pretty much the whole, almost a year and a half now doing online school when summer camp came.

32:51

I figured they would be outside, yeah, they’re playing baseball, but only part of a team, so, during the day, they’re sitting at home, and they’re sitting in front of technology, which is ironic as I’m talking about artificial intelligence versus. Human Intelligence, and that’s even more discouraging, that I understand how important it is to, to communicate, collaborate. They’re not, they’re not with their friends, they’re, they’re sitting in their own little space is staring at their phone, just taking in more and more information in the go from the phone to the PlayStation, so it is really, really discouraging. And I’m, I’m really, I’m stuck as to, as to what to do as to how to motivate inspire, even though I’ve tried many different things.

33:32

So I’ll pause there and if you could type in the box Just maybe a couple of key words as to What did you see or what did you hear? that was important to me?

33:43

And so, you’re not trying to solve it?

33:48

Frustration, John yeah, um, and yet concern for the kids in the boys absolutely concern for their growth.

33:55

Yeah, joke and concern Frustration with the attitude, Earl.

33:59

Thank you That is really good disappointment Sean, yes, I definitely said that, and I use that word Quality time. Yeah, absolutely. That’s, that’s a great one, Disappointment, Frustration, cherry, Chad, you say, quality time, Rhonda, disappointment, and discouragement, those are the words that I use. So, when you, when you are using some of the emotion words that I was using, I feel heard and validated. And it’s amazing that something so simple, and that’s in our abilities and capabilities, that we don’t use this enough. Like, if there was an app for this, you would be using it. If an app was able to really just, you know, listen to what was important to you and what you cared about. Can you imagine how you would feel?

34:44

So we had the same power, that we’re able to do this, other people, to make them feel heard, and understood, cared for, and validated our instinct to want to solve it. But this goes back to again, we need our emotions to be spoken to first, before we can give those logical answers. Because how many times have you, it’s so easy, you see, so clearly how you can solve it. Someone’s complaining about someone on their team or someone’s complaining about their manager, and it’d be so you could see so easily how you could solve it.

35:14

But what they need first is they need that emotion to be validated to be heard and understood before they can go forward.

35:21

And Barbara, you’re absolutely right. My son’s disconnection.

35:24

Yeah.

35:27

So let’s, as we, as we go towards the next 15 minutes, we’re gonna go now to the four steps that, I said, we’re gonna talk about. that. Pulls it all together and gets us to those words, that collaboration, because that is the goal for Human Intelligence, is to get collaboration. And collaboration is when two people are, really are and more, are working together towards a same goal, a mutual purpose common ground.

35:54

So it’s I like to call it move Based on the fact that an actor’s job is to move the other person. So mindset starts with intention. Offer, observed the emotions. These were validating the motivators and the ease that engagement that influences the outcome, because we do want to be able to move it forward. We don’t want to just sit there and listen. And empathize. We want to be able to move it forward.

36:21

So mindset starts with the intention. So here’s some examples of intention that we can start with.

36:28

As I said, it should be a blank canvas. Every conversation you have from now on is your opportunity to make it a new conversation.

36:36

And so what the intention we can have as we go into that conversation, is, instead of maybe trying to solve it, or make that person feel smaller, Maybe I could. We, is there a way we can see common ground, and where we’re speaking?

36:48

Even if we have completely different values. And if you look at right now is going on, for example, with the … vaccine. And you know one person is absolutely against it and one person is absolutely for it.

36:59

Well, the one thing we could do, one thing those two parties can agree on is that they both believe the other person is completely misinformed. That is actually something they can agree on. And that could actually start a conversation. There might be some similar values. Family might be, it might be a similar value. Honesty, it could be really important. Truth can be really important. That can be some, some values that gets us towards dialog.

37:24

And it’s not on the part of intention is that we’re not trying to solve it, because if we’re solving it, then we’re going to logic, and then we’re just being task or objective oriented. And that’s what artificial intelligence does, is, when you are engaged with artificial intelligence, is moving you towards a completion of a task, to solve it. When our human intelligence is getting towards deepening their relationship, to uncover the layers that are there, another one is mutual purpose. Where can we find a mutual purpose? If we’re having disagreements or, or we’re not sure how to connect, what does something the two of us do believe, and they were both working towards?

37:59

They were both working on a project, and one person, Maybe, it’s a bit more detail oriented, and the other one is big picture.

38:07

Well, the mutual purpose, and we both want to see this project be successful.

38:11

That is something as simple as that.

38:13

Now, this next one is my favorite, and I borrowed this from that Getting To, yes, which is Negotiation, which is separate the person from the problem, And I just twist it, tweaked it a little bit by saying, Soft on the person Hard on the problem.

38:27

And so, the vision I’d like to have is that is that If we keep both Bissau Soft on each other, and that sense that we’re listening, we’re pulling show that we’re pulling, then we could be hard on the problem. They were both sitting side by side, and we’re looking at this problem together.

38:41

Versus, we tend to be hard on the person, and then we sugarcoat the problem and focusing on the future, not the past. So maybe again, there has been some issues in the past or disagreements but that brings in our assumptions, our judgements. How can we talk about focusing on the future, because that’s part of our human intelligence, is that growth mindset? And so, putting that growth mindset on focusing on the future?

39:09

Now it gets in the way is, is our unconscious intentions, which are anger, resentment, frustration, and what I like to call this, I like to call this, you’re acting sucks.

39:22

So, if you are working with someone, and you ask them to do a PowerPoint, and you’ve given them a few notes, and they keep coming back, and it’s never quite right, and you now need to give them some feedback on it as an example, you can’t help but probably feel anger, resentment frustration that, Oh, I could have done this so easily myself or I gave them everything they needed. And then, but you don’t want this to come out. And so you, you might sugarcoated a little bed and put on that sort of bad smile and go, Hey, you. Know, I really try to give you some notes about it. And it seems like you, maybe we’re not incorporating it properly, or maybe it was confusing, I don’t know.

40:03

And so, we think because we’re smiling that it’s hiding it, But we’re bad actors. So we have to be very, very conscious of our unconscious intentions.

40:15

And again, we need to think about our conscious intention, which is maybe seeking common ground or finding mutual purpose? Or, if I could be soft on the person and not for, and are focused on the future, as an example. Or ideally, maybe try to make this person feel bigger, not smaller. And maybe find the root of the issue versus trying to make them feel smaller. So my final note on this is how can you make that person feel bigger, not smaller, make them feel bigger, not smaller.

40:44

Which leads us to our Hollywood tip and what I like to call is the Yes and I don’t know if anyone here has ever taken an improv class.

40:53

So if you want to put it in the box, if you’ve ever taken a improv class.

41:05

Joel allow people are chatting. And we actually did get a question come through.

41:10

Right, the question is from Rhonda, and Rhonda asks: Do you think AI will come up with the ability to reflect the emotions expressed?

41:21

Huge, Rhondda, great question, because absolutely.

41:25

um, you know, right now, people are working with AI and, you know, robots to do exactly that. In fact, people are working with like Alexa and Siri. That who knew that Alexa, as an example.

41:43

Well, how you speak to Alexa Will, Alexa will speak back to you in that tone. So if, you know, this is a bit of a Canadian joke because as …, we’re always supposed to be so polite that. Supposedly the Alexa in Canada are more polite because we tend to say, Alexa, would you mind telling me what time it is? Then Alexa will reply It’d be my pleasure. So, Alexa is picking up on the politeness, and while other cultures much will be more direct, Alexa will also be more direct. So, absolutely. Artificial intelligence. They’ve figured out how to reflect back.

42:17

In fact, another problem with that is, Microsoft had a Twitter account, which was all AI enabled, and it totally picked up on all the negative behaviors of Twitter, and became, they had shut it down because it became an absolutely negative storm.

42:36

So, great question. Thank you.

42:39

And this is, and keep it, keep, keep, interrupting me, and keep asking the questions as we go along. We’ll have some time for questions, But I’m more than happy to answer them as we go along.

42:49

So, here’s our other Hollywood tip, and I’ll start with the second one, which is always make the other person look good.

42:54

And this is from the world of improvisation now.

42:56

So, what that means is always make the person look good is, you don’t wanna go up to a C into a scene and make that person humiliate them, embarrass them, because there’s an audience watching, and they’re going to see that.

43:07

So, if you make the prison look good, the C moves forward, and speaking, moving the scene forward.

43:13

We’ve got what we call, yes, and, and, yes, and is a mindset.

43:18

It doesn’t mean you had to use those words, but it’s the idea of starting any idea, big, and then you just start to narrow it down.

43:25

So, we were planning a workplace party, that everyone’s going back to the office, and we’re going to plan on like a big, maybe, maybe November, or Fall, or late fall.

43:37

We’re applying this big, in person. Welcome back to the office kinda party.

43:43

And you and I were on the planning committee. I’ll take Rhonda.

43:46

Since you were the last one to ask question, Rhonda, you, and I are on the planning committee, and Rhonda, you said to me. Hey, Joel. Let’s, let’s, let’s do a like a potluck for the welcome. Welcome back to the Office Party. And I might answer it.

44:03

Yes. But, hmm, hmm.

44:06

That’s, you know, we got different cuisines and not everybody may not. You might not have everyone’s checklist, is what’s important to them.

44:13

And then, your next step, then, Rhonda, is you are now putting you in that position that you have to work really hard now to come up with another idea.

44:20

I said, Oh, God, oh, OK. You start to become I was on the defensive.

44:25

Now, if he, if I change that and use and you said, hey, Joel, let’s have a potluck and I build on that idea. Maybe I don’t agree with it, but I build an ego. Yes, and that, that’s a great place to start. And then, we can give a checklist to everybody, so that we make sure, that all, you know, if you’re vegan or you got certain restrictions, that we can be sure that everybody can fill those boxes, and then I might offer another idea and go You know, do we have a way to get out to reach out to everybody?

44:54

So, that’s the idea of Yes. And is How can I add to the person’s idea?

45:00

Before I dismiss it Because one of our challenges is, we make assumptions we dismiss idea our ego gets in the way. It’s not my idea. Whatever it is. We think we’re saying, yes, but when we say yes, but all the other person hears is the ****, and we’re now making the person not look good. We’re forcing them to have to work really, really hard and the goal for this webinar is to get to collaborations and for human intelligence, we’re not gonna get to collaborations every yes, buddy. We need to, yes.

45:27

And, so, the next part is observe. the emotions now, I love this slide because this is the craziest slide ever. This has so many emotional words here, but here’s the takeaway from this.

45:43

The takeaway on the left here is we have a scale that goes from 1 to 10.

45:48

You don’t have to know all of these words; would you have to realize is that our emotions have a range have an intensity of feelings?

45:55

So, if someone comes in and says, you know, BJ, they come into your office or they come on to Zoom or Teams or whatever and say, wow, I’m really upset with my manager are they on the level of angry, are they at 10 or the furious?

46:14

Are they boiling going further down? Are they frustrated or are they disgusted? Or they don’t or they uptight or the irritated?

46:23

So rather bad if someone’s speaking to you, just give them, give it a range because we tend to make everything at 10. Someone comes in, and they’re, like, oh, my God, there are 10.

46:31

You, yourself, when you, when they come in, you know, if you look at, at the other side, are you, you know, terrified? Or are you being anxious at the low end of the afraid?

46:45

So, the reason we say this is, part of our, sorry, part of our human intelligence is our emotion or emotional intelligence. So, essentially, self-awareness about our emotions. Give a number to our emotions. Where are we at? And then our social awareness, what do we see? What do we hear?

47:03

What number is that person at for their emotions?

47:08

And what we want to do, is, we want to be able to lower all of our temperatures, we’re not going to do this now.

47:14

We don’t want to get them over to happy, because then we become task focus. So someone comes in and they are sad, and they’re like, at A at eight, or they’re feeling like, you know, hopeless miserable.

47:26

If we’re trying to get them over just to happy and go, oh, it’s going to be OK, you’re OK. It’s all good.

47:32

Hey, you’re going on vacation next week, that’s our own problems, but we haven’t done anything with them, we can’t get them over to happy. But can we get them from hopeless and miserable to maybe lower them to melancholic, maybe just to upset maybe too disappointed to this, has lower the temperature?

47:52

The more we can lower the temperature, the more we can have a conversation. The more that we can have a dialog, the more they can hear our ideas.

48:00

Same with us, if our, if we, if we, our emotions are really, really high, well, how can I, what can I do to just lower my emotions, not gonna get myself over to happy.

48:10

If they’re low, maybe you can give them over happy. But don’t make that the focus mostly focused. Hashtag one intention, number-one lower the temperature.

48:20

And so we’ve got our three levels of empathy, which is part of how we’re going to be able to lower the temperature.

48:26

So number one is what we call cognitive empathy. Number two is emotional empathy.

48:31

Number three is compassionate empathy, so empathy, you know, when I do a lot of training, it’s probably the next thing that comes up. Oh, I need to be more empathetic.

48:39

And how many times have we seen a conversation between colleagues or even between, you know, leaders to their teams, where empathy was needed to be able to speak to the emotions. The empathy is not sympathy.

48:53

Which is, I’m so sorry for that. It’s exactly that, I feel sorry for you.

48:58

I’m sorry for your I’m sorry, it’s not, I’m sorry, empathy is recognizing the person has an emotion, and that it’s important to them.

49:09

So the same way that paraphrasing is: repeat back the facts.

49:13

Empathy is repeat back, the emotion, that you see, or hear, and cognitive is that first one, which is, um, I don’t agree, and I’ll pick someone here. I don’t agree with Wendy.

49:25

I don’t know, maybe you’re sharing something, and I don’t agree with the …, with what you’re expressing.

49:31

I don’t share that, but I see that that’s important to you. So, that’s cognitive empathy, which is, I recognize that I could see Wendy, that this situation has been challenging. I can see that this situation has been frustrating for you.

49:44

Cognitive, empathy, emotional empathy is we share that emotion.

49:49

I get it. Oh, yeah, that is, that is really challenging. I’ve been there, I get it. I know how difficult that is. You’re absolutely right to me. I can see that this is upsetting for you.

50:01

So we share that emotion. It’s emotional, we totally agree upon that.

50:04

And compassionate is brain off total, what can they do to help jump in. It’s literally, you know, when you see that someone’s been doing a Heroic Act, that compassion and empathy, or, if you just want to think of that kitten. In a little box, that’s, compassion empathy has got, ah, immediately, you don’t even think about it. That’s compassion and empathy.

50:26

And so we think of our, our hero here, who’s seeing something on the screen, what could be something cognitive that you could say here, We don’t know what is, we don’t know what is going on, but we see that by her reaction was something cognitive, you can say for empathy here.

50:54

Then, was put into the question box. What are some examples that?

51:02

All right, I’ll give it. I’ll give an example and that is, you know, I can see that I can see that what you’re seeing on the screen, Israel is really upsetting.

51:12

I don’t know what it’s about, but it’s cognitive, just recognizing that.

51:17

Then the next one is emotional ah, technology, is so infuriating and the last one compassionate, what do you need?

51:28

So those are the three different levels that is so easy for organizations, and leaders, and colleagues, to be able to be aware that there’s three different levels of ways to use empathy. So that it doesn’t feel so overwhelming because people feel that they have to share that emotion. And you don’t have to share it, unless you really do genuinely do feel it.

51:49

So, this is your homework from empathy, which is to practice listening and empathy. So the next conversation, you have, rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10.

51:59

Whoops, sorry, did I make that person feel heard?

52:02

Did I make them feel understood on a scale of 1 to 10? Did I add value, or was I being competitive?

52:09

So, did I add value is, as you did before, and I shared the story, and you, you, gave some value, you know, you’re just, you’re, you’re disengaged, you’re concerned about them. You are concerned about the quality. You heard it, and you add a little bit more value to it. Being competitive might be, you turn it around and make it about, yourself. Oh, yeah, I’ve got Ts two, and I remember when I was a kid in summer vacations, and you make it about yourself, and that’s what big competitive is.

52:37

And so our last one, before we go to engage in engaging, the whole piece is the motivators.

52:44

So achievement.

52:45

So what motivates people, and then she’s going to do three here in this webinar. And so one is, and maybe this is you. Maybe this is someone you know, it’s that sense of achievement. They have a strong sense of need to set and accomplish goals. That’s really important to them.

53:00

Meaning and purpose are very important, And the like challenges, they can work well with teams, but they tend to work alone, because they are very, very driven. To get to that. Meaning and purpose are important. They’re not going to be so much. Just get given a task for no reason. They need to know why, so, that human intelligence of purpose is really important. Those people of achievement affiliation. These are the people that just want to belong. They’re not going to lead the group; they’re not going to they’re not going to be disgruntled. They don’t like high risk or uncertainty. They just want to be part of the group and collaboration is going to be really, really important to them. So, you know, this is where, you know, growth mindset isn’t so important to these people, but empathy is because they want to feel a part of the group.

53:48

And then our last one is the power-driven person. They feel more comfortable when they are control, they enjoy competition and winning in the enjoy, status and recognition. So, that’s a growth mindset, they’re always, they’re always looking about how they can continue to get that next edge, how they can continue to improve. And so, the reason I share this again, is how can we collaborate? It’s important to understand the emotions and it’s also important to understand what motivates the people and if we put it all together, is that engagement to influence the outcome?

54:20

Is this your next conversation, what is your intention Seeking common ground? Finding mutual purpose, make that person feel bigger, not smaller.

54:30

Are you listening to be present to be able to move that person?

54:34

Are you listening intently for? What’s important to them? What do they care about?

54:37

Are you showing empathy? Cognitive?

54:40

You can see this situation is frustrating, emotional you share that experience Compassionate what can they do to help?

54:48

You’ve validated their motivation, whether it be that they need power, whether they need sense of achievement.

54:54

They need a sense to be part of the group, you’ve validated that, then this earns you the right now, to start asking those questions, and then to make that request. So we start to earn the right to be able to do that.

55:06

That gentle push, as I’d like to say.

55:09

And this is, no, this is maybe counter intuitive as we talk about artificial intelligence being so task related, but this is not necessarily that you have to follow this formula.

55:18

This is what our human intelligence abilities are, whoops, sorry.

55:24

Because AI can do it, you can, and then just as we go before, we have a few minutes for questions, I’d like to let you know that if you want to explore further your HR abilities, your human intelligence, I am available. The link is right there, and we can book a 30-minute session to discuss or have it as a coaching opportunity.

55:49

Uh, and I’ll put the link in here. I think I can, can I put the link in the in the box. Actually, just chatted the link out to the audience for me. So, no need to worry about that.

56:04

Wonderful.

56:04

So it seems like we have a few minutes remaining here for some questions, So if you have any questions, you can type them in to the chat box, the questions box, and we’ll be able to answer some of those with the time we have remaining today.

56:20

We did have a question come through from Ann Asked, are listening and empathy skills, or excuse me, are listening and empathy skills, or natural abilities?

56:31

Well, I think one of the challenges in organizations is we call them skills, and we take them for granted as our abilities, but they are our abilities that we need to revisit them. And the more so, I just find, as I go into more and more organizations, that there is a lack of the listening and empathy, and we’ve really lost touch of that. But it is our ability, but we haven’t spent enough time to really develop them, and have people practice them, as we just did, just that little exercise of listen without solving, as an example, to bring our awareness, a reminder of what we are capable of to be able to use that.

57:09

Good question and thank you.

57:11

Great. And then we have another question here from Alex. Alex says, why are you anxious about artificial intelligence? Are not anxious because it says, I love to, I love all this technology, I use Siri all the time, I love somebody thinks about artificial intelligence. I’m more anxious about us as humans losing our ability to, to connect with each other.

57:35

Do you even use the simple gestures, please, and thank you as we become? And I see, you know, with my kids, that, you know, that generation, their ability to communicate is getting worse and worse because they don’t even talk to each other. They just send each other messages, and there’s a, there’s just a general lack of respect for each other as human beings, in how we communicate on a day-to-day basis. I’m more anxious about that, then.

57:56

And what artificial intelligence, because it’s happening, the robots are coming.

58:00

Great. And then we have one final answer, one final question here today, to conclude this session from Amy, what happens when we have different motivators?

58:11

Yeah. You know, because it’s, it’s not like a one size fits all, you know, and so that’s it, that’s so important to, to understand, is there a little bit of achievement, a little bit of power, a little bit of affiliation? And what happens in that moment? So, it’s, it’s more so about being aware of in that moment.

58:29

Know, if I have to give them feedback, or, I have to coach that person, or, I have to try to connect with that person. What seems to be the strongest thing that’s important to them, is important that they feel they belong to the group. Is it, they feel that they are, they have a sense of purpose, or is it a feeling that they get status or recognition?

58:44

So, it is more about building our awareness for what might be motivating that person in that context.

58:51

Great, well, thank you, Joe, for your time today.

58:56

Thank you. Yes, thank you so much everybody, and thank you for facilitating this. This was awesome and thank you for the feedback. Everybody in great, great questions, great comments along the way, thank you for your engagement.

59:08

Yes, and today’s webinar is sponsored by HRDQ-U Virtual Seminars. Be sure to check out our curriculum up more than 80 virtual instructor led online seminars. You can go to www.hrdqu.com/virtualseminars for more information and make sure that you join HRDQ-U on your favorite social media site for quick access to all of our latest webinar events and blog posts. You can find us at each HRDQ-U. That is all the time that we have for today. Again, thank you so much, Joel, for your time.

59:41

And thank you all, for participating in today’s webinar, happy training.

59:46

Thank you.

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About HRDQ-U Webinars

HRDQ-U is a free learning community for trainers and facilitators, coaches and consultants, organization development professionals, managers, supervisors and leaders; really anyone who shares a passion for soft-skills training and performance improvement. We bring exciting content to you through webinars from subject matter experts and thought leaders to help you explore new ideas, gain industry insight, and improve people skills in your workplace.